Friday, February 25, 2005

Judges' Standard - humor

GENERAL APPEARANCE: The first impression of a good judge should be that of
a tough-minded but fair, alert and gentle specimen. Muscular fitness and
nimbleness are desirable but not mandatory as soft living seems unavoidable
in the breed.

The judge should be stamped with a look of nobility and justice --difficult
to define, but always unmistakable after the show. The good judge has a
distinct personality marked by a direct and fearless - but not hostile -
expression of self confidence and that certain aloofness which does not
lend itself to immediate and indiscriminate friendships... or at least does
not admit to such friendships until later back at the motel.

Secondary sex characteristics should be strongly marked least, when the
judge hands you a ribbon, you say "Thank you , sir" to a lady or
vice-versa. The question of monorchids or cryptorchids should be left to
your florist.

COAT: In cold climates the judge should be equipped with a double coat.
Underwear may vary with the season. At no time, however, may a judge shed
in the ring.

PROPORTION : The most desirable proportions for a female judge are
38-23-36; however you may settle for a 23-23-23 or, as I have at times
22-35-48.=A0 The shape of a male judge is less important, but great bulk
and commanding appearance is greatly preferred.

PIGMENT: Let's not get into this again. ALL colors are permissible! I have
not personally seen a blue judge, but there is always a first time.

SIZE: The judge should be neither too tall nor too short. As a rule of
thumb, if he must sink to his knees to pat the dog, he is probably too
tall. On the other hand, if he must jump into the air to test testicles, he
is probably too short. Measurements should be taken from the top of the
head, with the hair parted or pushed down so that it will show only the
actual height of the judge's frame or structure.

A judge of desirable sex and proper flesh should average between 70 and 340
lbs, depending primarily upon sex and how fat he or she is.

GAIT: Judges who tend to motivate on all fours should be avoided, as should
those who stagger and fall down a lot. Forward motion should be achieved by
placing one foot in front of the other... hopping is also permitted and, in
fact, often makes for better showmanship.

STANCE: While viewing the dogs, the judge should stand in the center of the
ring, feet spread as at "parade rest", the right hand held firmly in the
left armpit with the left crossing over under the right armpit... the chin
must be tucked solidly into the chest, eyes squinting. Once the judge has
assumed this position, the steward should count the number of times the
class circles. If that count should exceed 20, he might then unobtrusively
poke the judge in the ribs.

Older, more experienced judges have been known to doze off in this position
while younger specimens, particularly members of the party-going set, might
be still so grassed from the pre-show festivities that they have passed out.

MINOR FAULTS: It is preferred if a judge can speak in audible tones, but
his vocabulary may be limited to phrases such as "Loose leads!", "Walk
them!", "One more time around" and the number one to three must be heard.
If this is impossible, a set of flash cards should be provided. Deafness is
no fault in a judge, in fact slightly impaired hearing faculties are a
distinct advantage as the judge cannot hear the rude comments from the
ringside and will be able to literally turn a deaf ear to whispered
propositions, suggestions, etc., from the handlers.

BLINDNESS: - It is an advantage if the judge has full use of both eyes,
however, some of best-known specimens manage to get by without any apparent
eyesight at all and, as this does not seem to hinder their careers in the
least, perhaps sight requirements are due to be revised and excluded from
the standard.

DISQUALIFYING FAULTS: Judges who whoop, holler and point, or who laugh
hysterically at an exhibitor entering the ring with a particularly poor
specimen should be disqualified. Likewise, a judge who delays proceedings
while handlers make cheques out to him in the ring is not permitted to
participate further. Any judge who attacks a handler in the ring is warned
three times in writing after which he must be dismissed.

- copied from Belg-L list