It has been three weeks. Almost to the hour.
While I have tried to stay positive and keep busy with work and the fundraiser, there are moments. I am glad I took several days off work in the first week. I did healing and fun things with friends and always, he was there. Those of you that have lost a partner, pet or otherwise, will know it is the odd moments and simple flashbacks that get you...
- My plates don't get as clean after dinner.
- The yogurt cups seem to have a lot of leftovers in the bottom now.
- My first neighborhood walk to the coffee shop (alone) felt strange, yet somehow, he was there.
- I have set off the house alarm twice, because I no longer have a pattern to getting up and going to bed.
- The cat doesn't have anyone else to play with - that one is odd on many levels!
- My suv was cleaned and is in the "human" back seat up position - weird!!!
- I cried all the way home from work Thursday because it was a beautiful day and Alex was not here to go for a walk when I got home.
- After weeks of canned food, my recycle bin is back to normal fill.
- The cat is craving soft food for the first time in 12 years. He was sneaking Alex's canned, I think.
- Mornings are not the same. Period.
- The cat can now eat on the floor, instead of jumping up to the "cat counter" to keep Alex from his food.
- No one waits for me to finish each task to go on to the next one - showering, laundry, I am used to seeing him sitting expectantly at a door, on the bed, top/bottom of stairs, ready for the next shift in location. So empty to go up or down stairs and have no one waiting at the other end.
- It is strange to go someplace alone - anyplace. Alex was always ready to go along. I feel like I should take the cat, but I am sure he would not appreciate the substitution.
- No one nudges me to remind me there are leftovers on the counter.
- I know that the day-lillies in the spring will always remind me of him.
- hundreds more...
These are just some of the moments that have 'hit' me over the past twenty one days. Is that all it was? 21 vs. 3,184 days with this prince of friends.
I have found that losing and sharing that loss is not the same as it was for my last GSD. When Geena left us after choking on a ball (2001), I felt horribly guilty. I SHOULD have been able to DO something! I had to tell people and a friend told me that he heard it would get better after I told 30 people. In hindsight, I think he was correct.
That does not work in the days of internet and Facebook. Hundreds of people know now, but I doubt I have told 30 in person. Still, today, it was still difficult to say the words to a friend at work.
Thank you for letting me share this moment.
If there is anything YOU can do, it is to learn about your breed, your dog and it's medical history, strengths and weaknesses. Share your stories and your records with those that are keeping track for the improvement of all. Love them. Always.
